Today I got a phone call from The Home, saying that due to JJ's deteriorating behaviors, he will not be available for fostering for quite some time. He hasn't done anything major, just a lot of little things to keep getting into trouble. We're still not allowed to have contact with him. I'm very concerned about him...he seems to be caught in this cycle now, and I don't know how to help him break it. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to share it with him, would I? I'm miserable. I know that if we got him out of there, 80% of his problems would disappear.
But, the guy that called me said that Keith and I are wonderful people (blah blah blah) who are 90% through the fostering program, and would we consider fostering another child? He said he has a list of kids available for fostering right away. My first reaction, to myself, was "No way! We want JJ or no one." But, the more I thought about it, the more I thought about it. I'm sure we could form a bond with another kid, the way we did with JJ - not exactly the same, but a bond of some sort. I keep thinking of all those kids there in that miserable place and I think, "Of course I'll take one." Then I think of what it would do to JJ. Don't you think it would crush him? Plus, when JJ finally gets his shit together (please be soon, please be soon), that means that everyone would have to get along, and two kids would have to share a bedroom. I think I'd feel guilty if I did it, and I'd feel guilty if I didn't. What a quagmire. In my mind, I can just imagine the supervisor I keep pestering at the home about JJ saying to the foster guy, "Find her another goddam kid!" I told the guy that I'd have to discuss it with my husband and I'd get back to him. I did tell him that since I'm home all summer, and we have a pool and two acres of land with lots of things to do, I'd be more than happy to host some of the kids here this summer for visits. I told him if there are kids that don't ever get to go on home visits, or that they feel deserve to go off campus for a treat, I would welcome them here. I thought that was a good compromise.
10 comments:
I'm so sad for him and you. If they'd just give him a chance to see what would happen outside the confines of the institution...do only perfectly behaved children have the right to be loved?
I don't understand any of this at all :(
You can all hate what I say , i really don't care but I've read all this stuff and there has to be something missing here that either schell isnt telling about or she doesn't even understand herself . These government agenencies are dying to get these kids into foster situations . Particularly black kids that are very hard to place and teens are damn near impossible to foster out . I don't get it but there has to be something going on with this JJ guy thats not coming thru here especially since they are interesteed in you fostering another kid . Whats the deal schell ? there has to more to this . allan
I'm sure he's acting out of frustration. But it does seem that someone has a hardon for him.
I agree about bringing in another kid. Makes them seem fungible.
Allan, JJ is a kid that has been shuffled from placement to placment. He has a mother who has custody of none of her 12 kids. He absolutely hates the Home. He has a chip on his shoulder, and has had about as much as he can take of RULES RULES RULES.
The problem is, due to his hatred of the home, most people who work there only see "chip on your shoulder JJ", where I see a boy that laughs, tries to cheer people up, is polite and considerate who happens to sometimes act without thinking...as a lot of 14 year olds do.
Let me ask you a question Schell. What are the ramifications if JJ is fostered out to you and lets say your reading of the situation is wrong and he goes nuts , burns down your house , kills lets say Keith to make it more palatable , this is all hypothedical of course but what happens in that case to the people who realeased him to you as a foster child ? I'm making a case here not saying this will happen . I'm curious to know what would happen to the people who OK ed his release to you . Could you sue them along with the state ? Could they lose their jobs and pensions? Or, is it "here's the kid , he's your problem now , good luck" ? allan
Schell, I think it may be time to contact your local state representative (or federal representative/senator) and / or the media. It strikes me as downright criminal that, as Allan says, the system is begging for people to be foster parents, but that so many roadblocks are being put in your way.
And I forgot to say...good luck! and don't do anything re getting another kid until you have had time to sleep on this.
Exactly what I don't get Kath , there are tons of JJs out there in homes and at 14 and black his chance of being fostered or adopted is very slim indeed and the agency should be thrilled to see someone is interested in him . Here's what happens to a JJ in 4 years when he turrns 18 , He's kicked out on his ass into the world to fend for himself . No skills , poor socialization . Bascally left homeless to try and figure out the ropes on his own . I hate to say this but probably a good bet for kids like that is to join the military and at least get a chance to learn a trade of some kind . Unfortunetly many of them turn to crime and go from state orphan homes to state and federal prisons .
It's te same here only they get kicked out at 16 its criminal it really is
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