Well, I went to JJ's arraignment today. How the hell did I grow up to be so naive? (I don't even know if I spelled that right) Imagine me, Miss Pollyanna, going in there, thinking JJ is going to say he had nothing to do with this, they're going to say that he could leave until his hearing, and he'd be able to be released to the Children's HOme and I could spend the rest of the day with him. I couldn't have been more wrong.

First of all, JJ's caseworker (who never even went to visit him yesterday) said that he thinks JJ might be involved because one of the other kids that were arrested said he was. So, I tell the P.O. that I know from work to please go give JJ a message from me. "If you had anything to do with this, you have to admit it. If you admit it, you take your lumps, but you can stay at the Children's Home and then come to live with us as soon as the papers go through. If you say you're not guilty, and you're found guilty, they might ship you back to Philadelphia." When he came back, he said JJ told him he was innocent, and that when he told him what I said, JJ put his head down and started weeping.

I begged the head of the P.O. department to let me have a minute with JJ, but he said no. I asked if I could see him afterward, and again he said...little prick. So, we (the caseworker and I)get taken in this little room when we're "on deck", and whenever the door opens, I can see JJ sitting in his own little room. I can tell he's been crying, because he keeps wiping his eyes. They take us in for the actual arraignment, and some sweet, sweet old man asks if I'm JJ's mom, and I say no. I say I'm trying to be his foster mom, so he sits me at the main table, then brings JJ in to sit right next to me. The poor kid is sitting there, handcuffed and shackled, with tears rolling down his cheeks. I rubbed his arm and said to him (I didn't know if I was allowed to touch or talk to him) "Do what's right, JJ." They didn't even let him speak. His public defender said a couple of things about whose testimony were they basing these allegations on (one of the three kids already arrested) and was there any evidence linking JJ to the actual van (the answer is no). But, the judge said that since the crime is so serious, he has to stay at the detention center until the actual hearing next week. At one point, when people were talking, JJ looked over at me and through tear filled eyes, I saw him pleading with me to help him through this. At that point, my heart completely broke.

When it was all over, and we were dismissed, I asked the bailiff if I could have a minute with JJ, and he said sure and walked me into the hall where JJ was waiting to go back to his cell. I rubbed his arms (the handcuffs made a hug out of the question) and said, "Even if you weren't in the van when it crashed, and you were at any other time, you have to tell them." He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Miss, I swear I had nothing to do with this." I said they're saying you were there, to which he replied, "only one kid." I just started telling him that we'd do whatever we could for him, when the little prick guy came along and yelled, "You! I told you no! Get out!" and made me leave. Then, later in the hall when I tried to apologize for being back there, he wouldn't even talk to me.

Personally, I can't imagine that JJ would lie to me. Look me in the eye and lie. I believe him. I also don't think he'd jeopordize coming to live here by not admitting he was involved if he was. He didn't even start crying until he found out that there's a chance he won't be staying with us.

What am I going to do? Will the court take the word of one juvenile over another's? Can I get him a lawyer....Keith would never foot the bill for that. I'm helpless and I just keep picturing his "help me" look.