Thursday morning I got a call at work from Braden's guidance councelor (that's probably spelled wrong, I always get that word mixed up). My immediate thought was, "Fuck, Braden flipped out at school." I was wrong. Braden went to her first thing in the morning and told her everything that's been going on. He told her everything...didn't sugar coat it at all. He told her that he can "feel" these episodes coming on, yet he couldn't do anything about them. He said that sometimes something triggers them, but other times they just happen out of the blue. They talked about the different stages of anger, and he said he recognizes all of them, but they just happen too quick to do anything about them. He told her the whole time he's building up, he's telling himself to cool off, to calm down, but his body won't listen to him. She offered him a few suggestions, like running around outside without a coat on for ten minutes or so, or talking to us about getting a heavy bag that he can punch and kick. She gave him carte blanche to come and see her anytime to talk. She told me that Braden seems to be one of the nicest kids at school. The students have to take a guidance class in 7th grade, and he was one of her favorites. He never laughed at anyone else for saying anything, and he always raised his hand with questions and comments that were relative to what they talked about. She called me to confirm what he'd said, and to see if Keith and I were okay. She was very nice to talk to, and said she'd look into this and see if she could offer any other "release" suggestions for Braden. Also, she said what I've been thinking for years...how frustrating it is for Braden to be in his learning support classes...he's so close to not needing them, and he knows that. Some kids, that are way, way behind, don't even seem to notice that they're in a "sped class" as he puts it. But, it bothers him a lot, and I think that's part of the reason for these blow ups at home.
This was a very big move for Braden, who usually refuses to speak about what happens because he gets very emotional and feels terrible about it. Let alone to talk to someone who doesn't already know about it. I was proud of him.
I know it won't last, but the past couple of days he's been talking through his feelings more. He's telling me that he's beginning to get "tingly", so then we switch activities...he'll help me cook, or we'll run around the house a bit. Also, he hates to read, always has, but loves a good story. His reading teacher went to a library in her town and got him a book that he's been wanting to read, but will never get because it's "too long", on CD. It's a kit with the book and the cd's. He'll sit at the computer, with the CD on, and the book in front of him for a good hour, and it's very calming for him.
I've applied for an access card (kind of like dissability insurance) for Braden, so we can get what they call Family Based Services, where a therapist comes to the house to work with the kid and the rest of the family on dealing with this. They're also on call, so they can come during a meltdown, if need be. Hopefully the process for this won't be too drawn out.
Someone asked before what JJ does when these episodes occur. A lot of the time he's not home, he's at basketball practice or something. But when he is, he just goes up to his bedroom and closes the door. I'm sure they make him very uncomfortable. We've talked about it with him, and he says, "Miss, where I come from, I've seen much worse. Don't worry about me, just try to help Braden." He's been doing very well. In fact, he's going to the regular high school for half-days, and will be going full time in about a month. His teacher where I work has nothing but great things to say about him. Every week I notice more and more change in him. He talks to us about things, he becomes more a part of this wild, intense, crazy family. We're very proud of him.
Right this second, I'm feeling proud of both of them.
But, being teenagers, that might change next week. Or five minutes from now.