Holy crap, I need a break!!
JJ left last night. He had his caseworker take him back to the Children's Home. She came up to talk to him about not following rules, lying, etc. I guess he thought it would be better to give up all the love he gets here, all the friends he's made, his high school and his football team instead of agreeing to admit fault and start living by the rules of the house. I'm in shock. I don't know how this will all pan out. He might call in a couple of days, or he might never call. He's so angry with me. Yeah, only me. The enforcer. As he left, he said, "sorry Keith. I didn't want it to turn out this way." I feel like a failure with him. I took the day off today, needless to say, I didn't sleep very well last night.
I went to my doctor's appointment. He recommended a dermatologist and told me to call to have it biopsied. I called the dermatologist, and they don't have an opening until the end of November. So, I have to find another one.
Today would have been my dad's 80th birthday. Happy birthday dad!
12 comments:
you tried your best with JJ. some day he will look back and realize you were trying to do right by him.
Sometimes children WILL cut off their noses to spite their faces. I was/am the ass kicker in my house and I can understand your resentment when you feel you have no backup. Children have no equipment nor preparedness to see the big picture. He left on his terms, but if he decides to come back, it must be on your terms. You are this kid's best friend when you stand firm and won't allow poor behavior. One of the privileges of being an adult is making your own rules and living by the consequences of the fallout. It sounds like JJ wants part of that equation. Maybe some distance from you in the immediate future will allow him to think about all the possibilities. And though this may sound inappropriate, I am sorry for your loss, because you must be feeling as though someone/something died, and part of it is you.
Schell, you can also call a plastic surgeon to remove this. Frankly, a dermatologist will just biopsy it and turf you somewhere. At least that has been my experience with my two basal cell carcinomas. Call them up and ask if they will remove it. Another alternative is to have your doctor call the dermatologist and say, hey, my patient has a very suspicious lesion that I think needs to be attended to right now. That will sometimes light a fire.
I am thinking about you today, Schell. JJ probably knew his leaving would hurt you, maybe not understanding the long-term consequences. I'm really sorry.
Either find a new dermatologist or a plastic surgeon, but don't let it sit for six months.
Kids they know just where to stick the knfe in to cause the most damage
{{Schell}}
I think Sheila and Tree are right--JJ acted out in his childish anger with the specific intent to hurt you, without the maturity to realize what the longterm impact would be.
Also, I'd call that dermatology practice back and make it clear that you have a suspicious lesion that needs an immediate biopsy, not just a consultation.
Hang in there. It's a bad spell you're in right now, but bad spells always pass. Be strong (and you are).
it sucks being the enforcer, but someone has to do it. i hope he figures out that your rules and the perks of living in your house are better than a group home. did you get to say "if you change your mind, call me"? some people would rather die than say sorry, forgive or admit that they're wrong, and i hope JJ isn't one of those people.
jilly
Schell, what the other old broards said.
NOVEMBER???? Check around and get in somewhere else.
Happy Birthday to your Dad***
PS: I'm having trouble with my son lately and a friend told me that she didn't start liking her son (after his teenaged years) until he was about 25 . . can I make it through another 7 years putting up with his bullshit?? :::shrug::::
i have thought about this today, and it makes me sad, remembering how hard you worked to bring him into your home. i hope you will be okay and the pain you feel can be lessened. but i don't know how that can be.
Jeeze you're certainly having a shit time and no mistake. If it's any comfort I was an awful child from 14 until 20, some of it hormones, some if it angst and some of it (in retrospect) possession by Satan. I was so bad I was shipped out at various times until finally ousted at 15 and although I went back for a few months when I was 16 never really returned.
Now I'm the model son and probably the second favourite child. I'd say it's a certainty he'll come around and value the stability and love you've given him, the only thing in question is how long it'll take him.
Wish I could help, xxx
What's happened so far? Did he call?
I agree with what everyone else has said.
If it's any consolation, when I was 10, I decided I didn't want to live with my mom anymore and went to live with a neighbor and I didn't even have any boundaries or rules that I had to obey. I was mad at her and trying to hurt her.
I quickly realized that my life at the neighbor's house sucked (I think she and my mom were in cahoots) and moved home. But, I lasted about a week with the neighbor.
We were all really awful, AWFUL kids -- my sibs and me. I could tell you stories that you probably wouldn't believe but, we all turned out well -- successful, happy, etc. (even my nutjob sister is actually a productive citizen, generally speaking).
But, you can't let your kids hold you hostage and his leaving is something he will have to live with.
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