I'm afraid I spoke too soon, in regard to Renee. So, she's gotta get outta here...I won't/can't allow that kind of behavior around Braden and JJ.
Now comes my true dilemma...what about Goofy and the baby???? Just look at him!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
It's a miracle...a true blue spectacle
Well, it's close enough to a miracle that I'm counting it. I have the house nearly to myself. JJ is at football practice, Renee and Ray are out running errands and Keith is at work. Braden's in bed, so I find myself with 20 minutes or so before I have to go grocery shopping.
Renee has had a couple of pretty good weeks. Apparently it's harder after the first 30 days....then they say at day 60 it becomes a little easier. We're at about day 40. Knucklehead has practically found a job. The only thing is he needs his driver's license. That's right, he doesn't even have a license. They're going later today for him to take his permit test.
JJ got a concussion last week at football practice, but got "released" on Wednesday, so he was able to play in the scrimmage Thursday night. He did a really good job and was so pleased with himself. His attitude has done about a 160 degree turn so things are pretty good on that front.
Braden had his birthday party last night and he had a blast. They swam and hung out and played manhunt. What else could you ask for at 15? He's getting really excited to start school on Monday. It's hard to believe he's starting his first year of high school. I remember all the battles we had in elementary school like it was just yesterday.
I'm on the SAP team at work, and it's really a time consuming thing. Meetings after meetings after meetings. I'm trying to weed things out of my life that bog me down (ala Tree) and I prepared this whole speech that I was going to give the principal of all the reasons I have to resign from the team. All the other things I do at work, above and beyond my job description, that take all my free time...blah blah blah. While I know they can't force me to be on it, they did spend several hundred dollars to send me to the training and I wasn't sure how he'd take it. I walked in and said, "Can I talk to you about the SAP team?" He said, "You don't want to be on it anymore?" I replied meekly, "no." He said, "then quit." I asked if he wanted an explanation and he said, "You do so much around here, I'm sure whatever reason you have is a good one. I trust you." That made me feel good. One down, a thousand to go.
Renee has had a couple of pretty good weeks. Apparently it's harder after the first 30 days....then they say at day 60 it becomes a little easier. We're at about day 40. Knucklehead has practically found a job. The only thing is he needs his driver's license. That's right, he doesn't even have a license. They're going later today for him to take his permit test.
JJ got a concussion last week at football practice, but got "released" on Wednesday, so he was able to play in the scrimmage Thursday night. He did a really good job and was so pleased with himself. His attitude has done about a 160 degree turn so things are pretty good on that front.
Braden had his birthday party last night and he had a blast. They swam and hung out and played manhunt. What else could you ask for at 15? He's getting really excited to start school on Monday. It's hard to believe he's starting his first year of high school. I remember all the battles we had in elementary school like it was just yesterday.
I'm on the SAP team at work, and it's really a time consuming thing. Meetings after meetings after meetings. I'm trying to weed things out of my life that bog me down (ala Tree) and I prepared this whole speech that I was going to give the principal of all the reasons I have to resign from the team. All the other things I do at work, above and beyond my job description, that take all my free time...blah blah blah. While I know they can't force me to be on it, they did spend several hundred dollars to send me to the training and I wasn't sure how he'd take it. I walked in and said, "Can I talk to you about the SAP team?" He said, "You don't want to be on it anymore?" I replied meekly, "no." He said, "then quit." I asked if he wanted an explanation and he said, "You do so much around here, I'm sure whatever reason you have is a good one. I trust you." That made me feel good. One down, a thousand to go.
Friday, August 08, 2008
THE SUMMER IN REVIEW
THE SUMMER IN REVIEW:
(Take heed...it ain't pretty)
JJ has been a shit lately. Sneaking out after we go to bed to meet with the girl that lives across the street. Lying about it. Being completely, postively miserable when faced with consequences for said behaviors. Sneaking around with other things too...more lying. Not the behavior we've seen in him in the two years since he's been here.
Braden is just being Braden. Enough said.
Renee, her idiot boyfriend and their baby have moved in with us. They think they'll have a better chance of finding gainful employment here as opposed to where they were living. Since they've been here, she slipped back into an old, terrible habit. So, now she's doing intense outpatient rehab. She's just begun a job waitressing. I have to practically be a prison guard. The boyfriend has done virtually nothing but sit in the living room and apply for jobs he's totally unqualified for. And, he talks as if he's the perfect guy. He can run a 2 minute mile, he is thinking about becoming a doctor (he only has one semester of post-high-school-education), he's the best father in the world (hardly), he makes up words, and he preaches about everything.
We're still in mortgage limbo. We can't get the home equity loan we wanted until Chase sends a letter saying we're current with our mortgage payments, which we are, but I can't get anyone to send the letter. We're supposed to be working something out with them by September, but so far I have about 20 un-returned voicemails in to them.
The only good thing is I get to see my adorable grandson every day.
(Take heed...it ain't pretty)
JJ has been a shit lately. Sneaking out after we go to bed to meet with the girl that lives across the street. Lying about it. Being completely, postively miserable when faced with consequences for said behaviors. Sneaking around with other things too...more lying. Not the behavior we've seen in him in the two years since he's been here.
Braden is just being Braden. Enough said.
Renee, her idiot boyfriend and their baby have moved in with us. They think they'll have a better chance of finding gainful employment here as opposed to where they were living. Since they've been here, she slipped back into an old, terrible habit. So, now she's doing intense outpatient rehab. She's just begun a job waitressing. I have to practically be a prison guard. The boyfriend has done virtually nothing but sit in the living room and apply for jobs he's totally unqualified for. And, he talks as if he's the perfect guy. He can run a 2 minute mile, he is thinking about becoming a doctor (he only has one semester of post-high-school-education), he's the best father in the world (hardly), he makes up words, and he preaches about everything.
We're still in mortgage limbo. We can't get the home equity loan we wanted until Chase sends a letter saying we're current with our mortgage payments, which we are, but I can't get anyone to send the letter. We're supposed to be working something out with them by September, but so far I have about 20 un-returned voicemails in to them.
The only good thing is I get to see my adorable grandson every day.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
What a week I've had.
Renee came down with the baby on Sunday and when she was leaving on Wednesday, I convinced her to leave him with me for a few days to give herself a break. What a sweet thing he is. So pleasant! But, I forgot how hard it is with an infant. Having to time everything between naps. I can honestly say that when they came back to get him, in spite of how much I knew I was going to miss him, when they pulled out of the driveway I sighed a sigh of relief. I didn't have time to do anything while he was here. It was worth it, but I was exhausted.
Wesley Snyder, the man behind our mortgage debacle, had his sentencing trial last week. The national guidelines call for between 10 and 12 years in prison. The judge gave him 12 years and 2 months. Plus ordered him to pay restitution to all the victims. Not that that is going to happen. The money is gone. Either ill-spent or hidden in the Grand Caymans. I think, though, that this adds fuel to our case with the banks and the management company that was supposed to be monitoring him.
I've got a ton to do today before going back to work tomorrow. And, really, I feel like doing nothing. But, I wanted to post a quick update. But, my time's up so I'm outta here.
--Oh, and if you can believe it, I now have even more Japanese beetles than I had last week. I'm blessed.
Renee came down with the baby on Sunday and when she was leaving on Wednesday, I convinced her to leave him with me for a few days to give herself a break. What a sweet thing he is. So pleasant! But, I forgot how hard it is with an infant. Having to time everything between naps. I can honestly say that when they came back to get him, in spite of how much I knew I was going to miss him, when they pulled out of the driveway I sighed a sigh of relief. I didn't have time to do anything while he was here. It was worth it, but I was exhausted.
Wesley Snyder, the man behind our mortgage debacle, had his sentencing trial last week. The national guidelines call for between 10 and 12 years in prison. The judge gave him 12 years and 2 months. Plus ordered him to pay restitution to all the victims. Not that that is going to happen. The money is gone. Either ill-spent or hidden in the Grand Caymans. I think, though, that this adds fuel to our case with the banks and the management company that was supposed to be monitoring him.
I've got a ton to do today before going back to work tomorrow. And, really, I feel like doing nothing. But, I wanted to post a quick update. But, my time's up so I'm outta here.
--Oh, and if you can believe it, I now have even more Japanese beetles than I had last week. I'm blessed.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
"This little light of mine..."
Well, I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel. It might just be the flicker of a match, but it's still some light.
For the past two weeks I've been calling banks, mortgage brokers and checking online for refinance options. Some way to get our payment lower so we can ride this thing out without losing the house. We could make the higher payment, but we would have absolutely no money to spend. And, with two teenage boys, you always need money to spend. The problem is, our rate with Chase is very competitive and we wouldn't be saving any money by refinancing...only if we went interest only....and we really didn't want to do that with our mortgage.
I talked to the nicest mortgage broker yesterday. He is a little familiar with this case, as it's been in the papers and on the news since September. He said he feels very strongly that Chase, our mortgage company, will wind up offering some type of settlement. They've done it in the past for cases that while not like ours, the end results were the same. He said that it would be much easier for Chase to forgive part of a loan they already have, than to get them to cut a check for us to pay off a loan that's with another lender. I told him that I agreed, however, it won't do me any good if my house is in foreclosure, or I can't afford to heat it.
He suggested a low interest home equity loan to consolidate our other debts. We have enough equity to get one to pay off my Pacifica (even though it's a lease) and our two small credit card balances and the four wheeler we bought. He recommended that I call a banker he works with. I called her and she had an amazing offer. An interest only home equity line of credit. With what we need, the payment on the interest only loan would be a little over a$100 a month. Well that's a saving of about $500 a month. We only have to make up around $300, so we can apply $200 to the principal each month and our payment will go down down down. Then, if something comes up and we have a tough month financially, we can just pay the interest and it won't reflect poorly on our credit.
I got a good night's sleep last night for the first time in a long time. I love that man, and I've never even met him. Oh, the lady at the bank was very nice too.
Wish me luck!
For the past two weeks I've been calling banks, mortgage brokers and checking online for refinance options. Some way to get our payment lower so we can ride this thing out without losing the house. We could make the higher payment, but we would have absolutely no money to spend. And, with two teenage boys, you always need money to spend. The problem is, our rate with Chase is very competitive and we wouldn't be saving any money by refinancing...only if we went interest only....and we really didn't want to do that with our mortgage.
I talked to the nicest mortgage broker yesterday. He is a little familiar with this case, as it's been in the papers and on the news since September. He said he feels very strongly that Chase, our mortgage company, will wind up offering some type of settlement. They've done it in the past for cases that while not like ours, the end results were the same. He said that it would be much easier for Chase to forgive part of a loan they already have, than to get them to cut a check for us to pay off a loan that's with another lender. I told him that I agreed, however, it won't do me any good if my house is in foreclosure, or I can't afford to heat it.
He suggested a low interest home equity loan to consolidate our other debts. We have enough equity to get one to pay off my Pacifica (even though it's a lease) and our two small credit card balances and the four wheeler we bought. He recommended that I call a banker he works with. I called her and she had an amazing offer. An interest only home equity line of credit. With what we need, the payment on the interest only loan would be a little over a$100 a month. Well that's a saving of about $500 a month. We only have to make up around $300, so we can apply $200 to the principal each month and our payment will go down down down. Then, if something comes up and we have a tough month financially, we can just pay the interest and it won't reflect poorly on our credit.
I got a good night's sleep last night for the first time in a long time. I love that man, and I've never even met him. Oh, the lady at the bank was very nice too.
Wish me luck!
Monday, June 23, 2008
I'm bragging just a bit
Okay, I'm not the least bit impartial here....but, isn't this the most adorable baby ever????
Friday, June 20, 2008
"Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who..."
The pool party went off without a hitch. The friend's mom rearranged her schedule and got there about 2:30. The height of the action. No one tried to sneak into the woods. No one except Braden and his girlfriend. Twice I had to put the kabosh on a little "sneak away". I can't believe Braden is going to be in high school next year. Where does the time go?
Tonight's my book group meeting. I decided on my appetizers....roasted red pepper bruchetta, sweet and sour chicken and mini rosemary potato pancakes. Plus assorted crackers and dips.
I started the summer program this week. What an interesting bunch of kids we have. They're all high school kids in the partial hospitalization program. Serious mental disorders. And, get this....now try to keep up it gets a little confusing: There's one girl in my class who has dated three other female students in my class and one male student in my class. The male student has also dated one of the female students (who happens to be one of the three females that dated the first female). This female has never gotten over the serious relationship she had with the male and stares longingly at him all day long and cries when his bus gets called. Oh, and their relationship lasted a total of 4 days. And the first female is currently dating yet another female student in my class and all day we're either telling them to keep their hands off each other or counseling one of them after they get into an arguement. My days are just filled with FUN FUN FUN!
Tonight's my book group meeting. I decided on my appetizers....roasted red pepper bruchetta, sweet and sour chicken and mini rosemary potato pancakes. Plus assorted crackers and dips.
I started the summer program this week. What an interesting bunch of kids we have. They're all high school kids in the partial hospitalization program. Serious mental disorders. And, get this....now try to keep up it gets a little confusing: There's one girl in my class who has dated three other female students in my class and one male student in my class. The male student has also dated one of the female students (who happens to be one of the three females that dated the first female). This female has never gotten over the serious relationship she had with the male and stares longingly at him all day long and cries when his bus gets called. Oh, and their relationship lasted a total of 4 days. And the first female is currently dating yet another female student in my class and all day we're either telling them to keep their hands off each other or counseling one of them after they get into an arguement. My days are just filled with FUN FUN FUN!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"I'm takin what they're givin cuz I'm working for a livin..."
Yesterday was JJ's last day of school. Today is Braden's. Some of you may know what that means....it's the famous last day of school swim party. This year, since it's his last year in the middle school, he wanted to have a huge party...over 50 kids. I told him that was too many hormone driven teens for me to watch at one time (let's face it....it was easier when he was 8 and I only had to worry about skinned knees and the boys dunking the girls. Now I have to worry about trysts in the woods, alcohol and lord knows what else). So, we decided that he'd go in with one of his friends. We'd split the food costs and his mom would come and help chaperone. Yesterday the boy and his dad dropped off their share of the food and told me the mom was out of town on business so she wouldn't be available today. So, that means it's going to be me and all those kids. I'll probably have a nervous breakdown trying to make sure no one gets pregnant or wasted.
Friday night I'm hosting book group. We read "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". I loved the book. I need some appetizer ideas. I'm tired of all mine. So far I plan on making roasted red pepper and gorgonzola bruchetta and for desserts I'm making custard bread pudding with brown sugar sauce, a lemon cake and coconut blueberry cheesecake bars. Any good appetizer suggestions?
Tomorrow I start working the summer program. I'm kind of looking forward to it...except for the getting up in the morning part. We'll see if I feel the same way in a couple of weeks.
Friday night I'm hosting book group. We read "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". I loved the book. I need some appetizer ideas. I'm tired of all mine. So far I plan on making roasted red pepper and gorgonzola bruchetta and for desserts I'm making custard bread pudding with brown sugar sauce, a lemon cake and coconut blueberry cheesecake bars. Any good appetizer suggestions?
Tomorrow I start working the summer program. I'm kind of looking forward to it...except for the getting up in the morning part. We'll see if I feel the same way in a couple of weeks.
Monday, June 09, 2008
"thank you for being a friend..."
I called Chrysler Financial today. We are leasing our Pacifica through them. You know how whenever somone is on a talk show talking about credit counseling, they say "call the people you owe money to and explain the situation. They're often able to work with you." Well, I explained our situation and how in the very near future I might not be able to afford the payments on the van, not to mentin the $70 a week in gas. The very nice woman I spoke with told me, optimistically, that they had two options for me.
She went on to explain that I could find someone to make the payments for me, or sell it.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
She went on to explain that I could find someone to make the payments for me, or sell it.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
"More than meets the eye..."
Today's my last day of work. Yesterday was our last day with kids. We can go in a half an hour later today (which is why I have time to blog) and wear shorts. I'll take advantage of the half an hour, but I wouldn't wear shorts to work if my life depended on it. I was invited to a little get-together after work today, so that should be a fun way to unwind.
They're filming part of the next Transformers movie near here. There's an old steel foundry in Bethlehem, and they've transformed (haha..pun intended) it into a Chinese city. I took the kids over the other night to see some action. Even Joe wanted to get in on this little trip. We got to see the set...the fake Chinese signs, helicopters....but no action. They don't start filming until the middle of the night....and we had to leave around 9:00. But, at least we got to see enough that when the movie comes out we can say, "I was there."
They're filming part of the next Transformers movie near here. There's an old steel foundry in Bethlehem, and they've transformed (haha..pun intended) it into a Chinese city. I took the kids over the other night to see some action. Even Joe wanted to get in on this little trip. We got to see the set...the fake Chinese signs, helicopters....but no action. They don't start filming until the middle of the night....and we had to leave around 9:00. But, at least we got to see enough that when the movie comes out we can say, "I was there."
Saturday, May 31, 2008
"School's out for summer"
It's hard to believe but this school year is practically over. My students are done on Wednesday and I'm done on Thursday. Well, I would be done except that I'm working the summer program this year to earn some extra green.
JJ's football team is having a clothing drive today and Braden's scout troop is doing a carnival grounds clean up....so I have to get them up and about shortly. Then, I have to go for groceries, do laundry, all my usual stuff..
I'm looking out my kitchen door right now and people are riding horses about 30 yards from me. They're cutting through the yards to get to the state park behind our house that has riding trails. It's kinda neat to look out your window and see horses. The other day there was a turkey in our yard.
I might take a ride to Renee's tomorrow. I have some big pieces and I have to go in the truck. I hate driving the truck. I keep putting it off because of that damn truck. But, they won't fit in my Pacifica. That trip will be about $60 in gas and a sore back. But, I'll get to see Brighton (and Renee). He's gotten so cute. We took him for pictures two weeks ago and I could just squeeze him and squeeze him. I'm trying to convince her that it would be good for her and Ray to let the baby come and stay with me for a few days before I start the summer program. But, you know first time moms!
JJ's football team is having a clothing drive today and Braden's scout troop is doing a carnival grounds clean up....so I have to get them up and about shortly. Then, I have to go for groceries, do laundry, all my usual stuff..
I'm looking out my kitchen door right now and people are riding horses about 30 yards from me. They're cutting through the yards to get to the state park behind our house that has riding trails. It's kinda neat to look out your window and see horses. The other day there was a turkey in our yard.
I might take a ride to Renee's tomorrow. I have some big pieces and I have to go in the truck. I hate driving the truck. I keep putting it off because of that damn truck. But, they won't fit in my Pacifica. That trip will be about $60 in gas and a sore back. But, I'll get to see Brighton (and Renee). He's gotten so cute. We took him for pictures two weeks ago and I could just squeeze him and squeeze him. I'm trying to convince her that it would be good for her and Ray to let the baby come and stay with me for a few days before I start the summer program. But, you know first time moms!
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
"O-da-dee, o-da-da-Ah, la la la la life goes on"
Believe it or not, I have a busy weekend that I can blog about.
Last night I had book group. We read "Son of a Witch" the sequel to "Wicked". The book wasn't that great, but I always enjoy myself and eat too much at book group...so it was fun. Next month it's at my house and we're reading "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal".
Today, I have my usual "chores" to do, then Renee is coming with the baby and we're taking him to get his pictures taken. Tonight we have a Comedy Night to go to for the football boosters and Braden has Lacrosse Fun day today too.
Tomorrow Joe is coming down and if all goes according to plan, I'm going to power wash the front porch and get the rest of my chairs/tables out of the shed.
You know I started taking Chantix. Well, for the first six weeks I was smoking a cigarette or two a day. Last Saturday I decided enough is enough and I haven't had one since. It only bothers me 18 or 19 hours of the day. Not too bad!
Oh, and as of June 1, our mortgage stipulation is over and we're probably going to go right to the poor house.
Last night I had book group. We read "Son of a Witch" the sequel to "Wicked". The book wasn't that great, but I always enjoy myself and eat too much at book group...so it was fun. Next month it's at my house and we're reading "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal".
Today, I have my usual "chores" to do, then Renee is coming with the baby and we're taking him to get his pictures taken. Tonight we have a Comedy Night to go to for the football boosters and Braden has Lacrosse Fun day today too.
Tomorrow Joe is coming down and if all goes according to plan, I'm going to power wash the front porch and get the rest of my chairs/tables out of the shed.
You know I started taking Chantix. Well, for the first six weeks I was smoking a cigarette or two a day. Last Saturday I decided enough is enough and I haven't had one since. It only bothers me 18 or 19 hours of the day. Not too bad!
Oh, and as of June 1, our mortgage stipulation is over and we're probably going to go right to the poor house.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Got milk?
There's a book I came across while searching something else that sounds entertaining. I'm going to see if my library has it.
I especially thought of Tracee when I saw this...I remember her saying she likes to look at the receipts left in her library books.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sorry I've been so remiss in updating...I just feel so blah. I'm sick of everything and am anxiously awaiting consistantly warm weather and a change of pace.
I'm having a baby shower for Renee on Sunday. I still haven't planned the exact menu...all appetizers and desserts. Of course, I have the desserts picked out...they're always easy (A chocolate lava cake, honey cheesecake and sticky buns) but I dont' know what to do for the "food food". I found some cute shower games on line to play...I'm looking forward to that.
Keith is still healing...the doctor said it could be three months until he goes back to work. Three months!! Holy shit.
Braden and JJ are doing well...waiting for school to get out.
The judge in our mortgage debacle has thrown out the case, as it stood. I don't know where this leaves us...and the 810 other mortgage holders. There's a meeting scheduled for May 8th, but the 75% stipulation ends on May 31. I really and truly don't know what we're going to do. I took a summer position at my school for the extra money, but it's not enough to make the extra payment. And, when summer ends, we're liable to be looking for a new house.
I'm having a baby shower for Renee on Sunday. I still haven't planned the exact menu...all appetizers and desserts. Of course, I have the desserts picked out...they're always easy (A chocolate lava cake, honey cheesecake and sticky buns) but I dont' know what to do for the "food food". I found some cute shower games on line to play...I'm looking forward to that.
Keith is still healing...the doctor said it could be three months until he goes back to work. Three months!! Holy shit.
Braden and JJ are doing well...waiting for school to get out.
The judge in our mortgage debacle has thrown out the case, as it stood. I don't know where this leaves us...and the 810 other mortgage holders. There's a meeting scheduled for May 8th, but the 75% stipulation ends on May 31. I really and truly don't know what we're going to do. I took a summer position at my school for the extra money, but it's not enough to make the extra payment. And, when summer ends, we're liable to be looking for a new house.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
"Ha Ha woman it's a crying shame,But you ain't got no one else to blame..."
You all know I'm not one to complain, but, I'm going to break from the norm. ~~0~~0~~
Keith is recuperating from his surgery. He can't drive, so he can't go anywhere, and it's driving him nuts. He sits around all day, waiting for me to get home from work so he can run errands with me. AArrgghh! (notice I didn't say he spends the day emptying the dishwasher, or doing laundry, or vacuuming) Errand running is my only time alone. I like to listen to a book in the car, or have the music turned up loudly. I like to not have to talk to anyone. Throw that out the window.
It's not helping that this medicine I'm taking to quit smoking has made me miserable. I just want everyone to leave me alone.
At 10:00, when I say I'm going to bed, Keith says, "Me too." And follows me to bed. Why does he have to go to bed at 10:00? He can sleep all day. I get ready for work in the morning making as little noise as possible, and as little light as possible, so he doesn't have to get up at 5:00. I resent it all.
It's so bad, that the other night I was watching a commercial for some sort of medicine to lower your cholesterol, and it showed how your arteries get blocked, one little speck at a time. I laid there, imagining all the little specks building up in his arteries, thinking "how long can this possible take?"
I'm awful. I know it. You don't have to tell me. I feel guilty enough. Not guilty enough to stop thinking about the specks, but guilty enough to feel badly about thinking of them.
Keith is recuperating from his surgery. He can't drive, so he can't go anywhere, and it's driving him nuts. He sits around all day, waiting for me to get home from work so he can run errands with me. AArrgghh! (notice I didn't say he spends the day emptying the dishwasher, or doing laundry, or vacuuming) Errand running is my only time alone. I like to listen to a book in the car, or have the music turned up loudly. I like to not have to talk to anyone. Throw that out the window.
It's not helping that this medicine I'm taking to quit smoking has made me miserable. I just want everyone to leave me alone.
At 10:00, when I say I'm going to bed, Keith says, "Me too." And follows me to bed. Why does he have to go to bed at 10:00? He can sleep all day. I get ready for work in the morning making as little noise as possible, and as little light as possible, so he doesn't have to get up at 5:00. I resent it all.
It's so bad, that the other night I was watching a commercial for some sort of medicine to lower your cholesterol, and it showed how your arteries get blocked, one little speck at a time. I laid there, imagining all the little specks building up in his arteries, thinking "how long can this possible take?"
I'm awful. I know it. You don't have to tell me. I feel guilty enough. Not guilty enough to stop thinking about the specks, but guilty enough to feel badly about thinking of them.
Monday, March 24, 2008
"I picked a bad time to quit smoking"
What a week!
After spending last weekend mostly awake and at the hospital with Renee, I went back to work on Monday. I took personal days on Tuesday and Wednesday to be there when she came home from the hospital. That was nice.
I came home Wednesday night. Thursday night, Keith drove back up to bring her, BD, and Brighton down for Easter weekend.
Friday morning Keith went to have another cortisone shot in his back (he injured it at work about a month ago, he had 1 other shot a couple of weeks ago and it got better and better after that. The doctor wanted him to go for one more, then start physical therapy). He came home and was in terrible pain. He took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer and got no relief. We called his doctor, who was on a plane on his way to some exotic resort for Easter. He called back and said that sometimes these shots can lead to a flare up. Well, when Keith went to go upstairs to bed, his legs gave out and he wound up on the floor and couldn't get up. I resisted the strong urge I had to say, "quit being such a baby...get the hell up and get in bed." It was hard, but I resisted. After about an hour of him lying on the floor writhing in pain, I called an ambulance. They admitted him to the hospital and he had emergency back surgery yesterday morning. He had a huge herniation between L4 and L5. As long as he can get up and shower this morning, they'll be sending him home.
So, I had 15 coming for Easter dinner, I had to drive 2 hours each way to take Renee home last night and I had a husband in the hospital. What an Easter!
And to top it off, I started taking Chantix two weeks ago, and quit smoking. I could have strangled someone, anyone, all weekend. I felt like Lloyd Bridges in Airplane. Hence, the quote.
After spending last weekend mostly awake and at the hospital with Renee, I went back to work on Monday. I took personal days on Tuesday and Wednesday to be there when she came home from the hospital. That was nice.
I came home Wednesday night. Thursday night, Keith drove back up to bring her, BD, and Brighton down for Easter weekend.
Friday morning Keith went to have another cortisone shot in his back (he injured it at work about a month ago, he had 1 other shot a couple of weeks ago and it got better and better after that. The doctor wanted him to go for one more, then start physical therapy). He came home and was in terrible pain. He took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer and got no relief. We called his doctor, who was on a plane on his way to some exotic resort for Easter. He called back and said that sometimes these shots can lead to a flare up. Well, when Keith went to go upstairs to bed, his legs gave out and he wound up on the floor and couldn't get up. I resisted the strong urge I had to say, "quit being such a baby...get the hell up and get in bed." It was hard, but I resisted. After about an hour of him lying on the floor writhing in pain, I called an ambulance. They admitted him to the hospital and he had emergency back surgery yesterday morning. He had a huge herniation between L4 and L5. As long as he can get up and shower this morning, they'll be sending him home.
So, I had 15 coming for Easter dinner, I had to drive 2 hours each way to take Renee home last night and I had a husband in the hospital. What an Easter!
And to top it off, I started taking Chantix two weeks ago, and quit smoking. I could have strangled someone, anyone, all weekend. I felt like Lloyd Bridges in Airplane. Hence, the quote.
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